I FORGOT Billy Crystal was hosting this thing this year. Um, oosh. Perhaps you need to be briefly distracted by the fact that former NYC mayor Ed Koch has been reviewing movies on his homepage since June 2009—when he reviewed Da Vinci Code prequel Angels & Demons. Truly a joy!

Koch’s reviews are basically all really more like synopses, both of the films themselves and the anecdotal minutia of his trips to the theater. They’re also hilarious windows into the mind of the Big Apple’s most beloved, elfin, ersatz Democrat, former civil servant. Please enjoy Ed Koch’s queasy discomfort over gross-out jokes in Bridesmaids and his total confusion over Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life.

Below are Ed’s reviews of four films nominated for Oscars this year, their rating according to his patented “plus” or “minus” rating system, and a description of the patterned suspenders he wears in the review. I give all these reviews a plus!

1. The Help. + (Earth-tone and Plum Paisley Suspenders)
2. The Tree of Life. - (Navy Suspenders with Red Polka Dots)
3. Bridesmaids. + (Earth-tone and Plum Paisley Suspenders, again)
4. My Week with Marilyn. + (Red Suspenders with Gold Dots)

Tags: Contrast Collar Shirts, Ed Koch, Mayor at the Movies, NYC Mayors, Oscars 2012, Suspenders